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Midsummer Night’s Dream

What did ya’ll do last weekend? Oh, since you’re asking, I worked out in the morning, ran some hills in my new neighborhood and then, I went to the last ever “Midsummer Night’s Dream” party at the Playboy Mansion.

But more on Hugh and the party later … I’m building my house in Chatsworth (I call it Valleyfornia) and there are some very nice horse trails that this ex-NFL horse has found very daring, taking my heart rate up to 178 on the regular!

So after passing my NFL training camp run test, I came home and hung out with the family. I label this time of day as the “calm before the storm.”

Around 4 PM, I went to my boy Fatback’s house to watch the UFC Championship, which is truly turning into one of my favorite sports. To see a grown man get kicked in the chest and choked out, and it’s all legal and fair game, still amazes me.

Immediately after the blood sport, I headed over to my homeboy Hugh’s house for his annual “Midsummer Night’s Dream” party. He’s been throwing these parties for a long time, but this is the first one I could make because I’m not in some mini-camp being yelled at and accidentally spit on by my defensive line coach.

I’m glad I got to experience it because, as I mentioned earlier, I heard that aside from Hugh’s Halloween Party, this may be his last official Mansion party ever!

So I throw on my attire for the evening, which is simply a robe, some NFL tights I stole from the Jacksonville Jaguars (sue me … haha) and some slippers. Can you believe I was actually over-dressed? Well, this became fact when I checked in and saw grown men and women in lingerie, pajamas and less. Everyone was wrangled into dozens of shuttle buses on the way to Heff’s mansion. Let’s just say, this was one bus ride that this black man had no problems with sitting in the back of the bus!

After arriving there all by myself (poor me), I was immediately greeted by Playmates and women who were excited to see, in their words, “A big guy.” So, yes it’s true, most everyone in Hollywood is shorter than they look on the big screen. To say it lightly, I stuck out like a dislocated thumb!

Even Michael Clarke Duncan, who may resemble me in bad lighting is much smaller than me. Can you believe that? I was the only guy who looked liked he could have ever stepped on a football field, as a player. Most of these cats looked more like the Jerry Jones type — only stepping on the field to check on their investments. Needless to say, I got a lot of attention.

I saw Paris Hilton, J.A. Adande, Too Short (of course), and one of my favorite talents Bill Maher (love that dude), so I was impressed. I also saw Pauly Shore, but I don’t know if he’s a celebrity, so I probably shouldn’t mention him (oops … too late).

From free lobster and shrimp to alcohol and anything you can possibly think of, Hugh had it on display. This party was phenomenal for two reasons:

1) Where else could you get such high net worth people to walk around in their Nyquil nightwear while still garnering respect and having a great time?

2) Where else can a kid from Compton, in the same lifetime, get invited to a Beverly Hills mansion to wear pajamas?

Sorry no pictures!

– Dat Dude